Wednesday, June 29, 2011


So those of you who know me know this history, but for new friends that have come by, this is a little 2006, my sister Denise passed away. In 2008, my Mom and a year ago Sunday, my Daddy went to be with them also.
 I have been very rstless the last couple of weeks because the next couple of months I have a lot of important dates to get through, birthdays and such, of people no longer with me. Combine that with the fact that I have the ashes of 3 people to disperse, as per their wishes, but have found myself unwilling to let go. The original plan was to disperse the ashes this year on the 1 year anniversary of Daddy's death, but I got so upset, I decided not to do it. 
Sunday morning, Hubby and I were both up and awake at 5:30 in the morning. We decided to take a drive down to Redondo Beach.  It was very spur-of-the-moment.  I love the beach calms me down...I feel like I can take a deep breathe and let the ocean breeze is breathing new life into me.   We got there by 8:30-8:45 AM. The pier at Redondo is a horseshoe, so we started up the left side, the only business open was the food shack so we got some Hot Chocolate and walked to the end of the pier. You can fish off of the left side of the pier, so we watched the people fishing for a while and then walked a little more to the right and found a bench. I could sit there forever, watching the sailboats in the water, listening to the sea gulls and the sea lions talking, hearing the bell of the buoy. I saw something in the water infront of us and got up and walked to the rail to get a better look. All of a sudden, 2 dolphins jump up out of the water. I was amazed. All the times we've gone there, I have only seen a dolphin once or twice and never two. I thought to myself, wouldn't it be cool if there were another one and it could be a sign that my 3 angels are together and I could let go. As soon as I thought it, there they were again, with a littler dolphin. 3 Dolphins right there in front of us. Then, they were gone. I looked at Hubby and said it's a sign.

I really believe, deep in my heart, that God put those dolphins there for a reason.  If you know me well, you know that i love and collect dolphins, so they have a special meaning for me.  I wish I could describe the sense of peace that I felt after seeing those dolphins.  It was a sense of stillnes and warmth and a calmness of my soul. They are together, they are happy, and they are near. 
Let me say this...I am a christain, I believe in God, I pray, I try to be compassionate to people. I KNOW that my Loved ones are in Heaven with their Maker. I also feel like God knows when we need a little nudge to renew our faith or just give us a little hope. I am taking this as a sign that they are together, happy and well and that it is time for me to be at peace with it and start to move on and live again. That doesn't mean I will ever forget them, cause that will never happen...and it doesn't mean I have to be happy with it, cause I'm not. It just means that I have accepted it. It just means that at last, for the first time since November of 2006 I feel some peace.  I feel some real hope that I can move past this and get on with living, that I can finally start to think of them with joy instead of this overwhelming sadness.