Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Another Christmas...

I hope everyone had a great Christmas.  Mine was very nice.  Christmas Eve was spent baking chocolate chip cookies, making tamales, cleaning the house and getting ready for Christmas day.
Christmas morning, I got up at 5:30...I guess the excitement for the day to begin never really goes away.  I spent a few moments in prayer, thanking God for his Son, Saying "hello" to my family, telling them how much I missed them but how I was glad they were together and giving thanks for my many blessings.
This year has been hard.  Horribly hard.  The kind of hard I didn't think I could live thru.
BUT I DID.
I'm not sure what all of this was supposed to teach me yet, but I am on a mission to find out.

My little family arrived about 11:30.  We had a brunch of tamales and homemade green salsa, homemade corn and blueberry muffins, cookies, and little fresh mandarin oranges.
Everything was YUMMY, if I do say so myself...
We went to my niece's home at 1:00 pm.  Sat and talked with the family, watched the Laker's get CREAMED...the male members of the family were not happy...then we ate dinner.
Joanna had fixed ham, tamales, macaroni salad, potato salad, apples, cucumbers, and baked beans.  I made sweet potatos and Bobbi Sue made deviled eggs. 
IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!!

I was pretty good food-wise.  I had a little of everything...and did not eat till stuffed...
Then we opened presents...everyone made out very well.  We recieved picture frames, a calender with angels on it, and a gift card to chilis.

Then we came back home and opened our presents...
again, I was very blessed...
Hubby got me diamond earrings, an electronic sudoku game, and a jewelry box.  My son and DIL got me a toaster oven and a digital picture frame.  My baby Rosie got me a dolphin bracelet and "Drop Dead Diva" on dvd.

Now by time we were done it was like 11:00pm.  Baby Rosie was sitting in her new Mickey Mouse chair and was over the present thing...haha.  She just wanted to go to sleep...poor baby...
Reading this back, it seems so very hectic, but it really wasn't.  We just did things as they came, there was no rush.  We did get a little concerned that Rosie would fall asleep, but she was a trooper...she held up till the end.
All in all, it was a very nice day...it was nice to spend time with family, to remember those who weren't with us for one reason or another, (trips, other obligations, etc.) and watch the kids and their excitement...it was just what the DR. ordered.
I Hope your celebrations were just as happy and blessed as ours...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It's begining to look a lot (little) like Christmas...

This is my creativity for today...we started putting the outside lights up...I know it looks a little bare.  It took us forever to figure out which box the lights were in, and then it got dark and cold really fast...
Rosie was a little scared of Mickey.  That really surprised me...I thought she'd love it.  Maybe it just takes some getting used too...

There will be more pictures as we finish up...still have to put out my penquins and my wreath...
then it is on to the Christmas tree...

Monday, December 13, 2010

a new me and a new blog...

I've been thinking a lot about things, my life, my purpose, my beliefs...I suppose it is natural, another New year is close upon us...that wonderful time of year where you inspect every fine detail of your life over the last year, decide you are a useless human being, and make all kinds of grand commitments for the New year.

I have decided that this year, that will not be me!!
The year that I lived, 2010, was exactly the way I was supposed to live it.
I mean, it had to be, right??
All the desicions were mine, all the actions or inactions were my decisions.  The choice to not exercise and make an attempt to get healthier was mine.  The choice to not go back to work was mine.  Participating in AEDM in November was my decision.  The choice to take my Father off of the respirator was mine.  The choice to surround myself with the people I do is mine.
I EXCEPT THOSE DECISIONS...

Now is the time to look ahead...2011...the thing about 2010 is...I had to make decisions.  Anyone who knows me well knows that is not my strong point.  I did not want to be held responsible for the fallout of my decisions, so I didn't make any...problem solved...
2011 will be a better year because I can now make a decision and accept the consequences...good or bad.  AEDM showed me a lot.  It helped me get my inner-artist moving again, but more importantly, it showed me I can make a commitment and stick to that commitment.
I have decided to make a commitment to 3 things this year.
1)  I will make a commitment to eating healthier and getting in some type of exercise 5 out of 7 days this year.  I know I can do this.  I've done it before.  Now I am making a commitment to do this.  I want to be around for a few more years and there are things I want to do.  I want to go to Disneyland with my Granddaughter.  I want to go to a Brave Girls camp.  I want to visit my Aunts in Kentucky and Indiana and family that i still have in Detroit.  What is the point of living, if you are so sick and overweight that you can't leave the house???
2)  I am making a commitment to Creative Every Day.  This is the big sister to AEDM.  I am making a commitment to do something creative 4 out of 7 days.  I know I can't do it 365 days a year, that kind of pressure would kill me...but this I can handle.  I want to practice and develop more artistic skills.  I feel so much calmer when I am creating, and I love seeing the completed pieces.  I'm sure to many they are silly, but to me, they are amazing because often I am suprised that I could do that.
3)My third commitment is to be a better person.  The last couple of years have been very hard on me.  I counted the other day and I have lost 7 very close family members since 2006, including my Sister, Mom, and Dad.  I realize that i am not the only person going through loss like this, but for me, this was almost too much to handle.  I'm not going to lie anymore...it has been damn hard...there was more than one occasion that I was ready to chuck it all in and join my family.  I have never said this outloud to anyone, but there were two very specific occasions where I wanted to and was ready to die.  I didn't want to be here, in this life, in this reality, anymore.  In my own personal misery, I let friendships go.  I let favorite charities go.  I let family members go.  I couldn't be bothered.  I was mad and scared.  I didn't want to give my all to anything.  Sometimes I couldn't...other times I wouldn't.  I figured if I kept everything inside, bottled up, I couldn't get hurt anymore. 
All that did was make me a mean, cynical, selfish person to be around.  I don't want to be like that anymore.  It really isn't my nature, and being mad all the time is tiring!!!  Im never realized how much energy it takes to be mad. 
So, those are my commitments.  Given that i am going to be changing some major things in my life, I thought it would be a good time to change the look of the blog.  On January 1st, my blog will have a new name, something more positive for the new year, and hopefully a new look if I can figure out the templates, LOL...
I am looking forward to the next 12 months and I am excited to start taking my life back...I really hope my 3 or 4 readers will continue with me.  It should be interesting!!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

this and that

it is 4 am and I can't sleep...what else is new??  My Mother used to have this problem, it never occured to me it could be heriditary.  During the week, I get by cause I can sleep a little later or take a nap if I have too...not so on the weekends...normally I would get out my sketchbook and watercolors, but with all the holiday preperation, I don't have room. 
I haven't had time all week to do anything art wise and I can feel it.  It is amazing how much it relaxes you and calms all the craziness going around in your head.  I need to make some time this week to get something in...
The house in Fullerton, for all intents and purposes, is sold.  I got the contract from Bill and we will send a copy to the Foley's tomorrow for approval.  The bank wouldn't give me a payoff number over the phone, of course, but will mail it out, so once I have that we can sign the paperwork and be done.  Maybe that's why I can't sleep.  I love that house so much...but it really didn't make any sense to keep it...Scott and Tina will take care of it and I know that.  Maybe give it to one of their girls when she gets married.  It is a great little house for raising a family.
We had a good night tonight...Hector and Kimberly and Rosie came over after they went and got Christmas pictures taken.  They are so cute...
My beautiful little family...we ate some pizza and hot wings, watched some tv, and had a good time.  I love nights like that.
Well, I guess I'll try to sleep again...it's too late to take a sleeping pill, so some warm milk will have to do...

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

December 1st...

Today is December 1st.
For 40 years this was my favorite month of all.  Better than June when school let out...better than September when it was my birthday...better than April, when it was Easter.
December was Christmas month!!!

My Mother LOVED Christmas and that was passed down to us girls.  She would decorate the whole house, bake cookies and pies for days, and she always wanted a big, fresh tree...until it became too much for her.

She loved to buy presents.  She would always kinda go crazy in that dept.  She justified by saying that giving was much better than recieving...and she was soo right!

Things she didn't like?  Only two...
putting the lights on the tree...every years, at some point, she would be cussing that tree up a storm.  It got to be that the eventual meltdown was as much a tradition as anything else.
(I have never claimed my Mother was a saint...)
The other was wrapping.  She was so good at it, but hated doing it.  She liked the idea of a beautiful package being presented to a loved one...than to have the paper ripped off in 3 seconds flat...
I am trying to get my love for December back...the crispness of the air, the joy of giving, the smell of wonderful things baking, the excitement in kids eyes, the anticipation of good things to come, the general goodwill of people that I always desperately wish would last all year, but is usually gone by January 2nd.

I'm trying, I really am...but if I go off the radar, or stop talking, it just means that things have gotten to be too much.  I hope that won't happen, I feel the Christmas spirit trying to come out and I will do all I can to let it flow...