Sunday, August 22, 2010

Desperately seeking...ME...

It's been a while since I blogged...it's not that I don't have anything to say...it's that I'm afraid to say it.  Afraid to put all of my thoughts and feelings down on paper (haha) and give them life.  I know I should.  I know that keeping things bottled up inside is not good and only helps me to self-destruct.  I just don't know if I want to take responsiblity for what I'm feeling right now.  It is sooo much easier to keep your head buried in the sand, ya know??

The bottom line is I have to make changes.  Personal changes.  Professional changes.  Relationship changes.  What has always held me back before was not having the resourses to make these changes.  Now I do.  When my Father passed, he left me a little inheritence.  It's not an insane amount of money, but is is enough for me to comfortably make some of the changes I need to make.  So the excuse of no money is not valid anymore and that kind of terrifies me. 

I will be making baby steps as the days go on.  I know that it is time for me to put me first.  I will be 45 years old in a little over a month, and what have I accomplished in those 45 years??  I had a raised a beautiful son.  That is it.  My job doesn't really contribute anything to society except keep Americans obese, I do not volunteer anywhere, I do not make a difference in people
s life for the good.  For almost 27 years, I have put everything on hold to be a good wife, Mother, daughter, sister.  I feel like those roles are important and wouldn't change doing them, but somewhere, I lost who I am.  It's time to find me again...warts and all...