Monday, September 07, 2009

Time for a change??

There are things going on in my life right now that I am not happy with. The question is, what am I going to do to make it better? Once I know the answer to that question, the next question is will I be able to do what is neccessary to make that change happen?

Here's the thing...I don't want to die 20-25 years from now not having done things that I want to do. In my current situation, that is exactly what is going to happen. Not just because of my weight, let's face it, it is going to be really hard to backpack at Yosemite at 350 lb, but because of relationships that I am in at the moment.

I am really questioning whether I want to stay married or not. Don't be shocked...my marriage has been on rocky ground for a while, I just didn't want to do anything to make it all crumble down. Now, I'm thinking maybe it's time to throw that rock and see what survives the oncoming avalanche. I married very young, 18, and I am really starting to feel sufocated. I am tired of having to always put my wants and desires to the back of the table cause I have to cater to him. I know some of this is my fault. I let him boss me around for years. I didn't feel like I was good enough or smart enough to make any descision on my own, so I always deffered to him.

So here I am, not really knowing where to go next, what is the next step to take. Do I want to be alone at 44 yrs of age. Do I want to start all over again, not being in the best of health? Do I even know what it is I'm looking for?

Things to think about...

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:58 AM

    Any chance for counseling?

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know, that's how I felt when I left (and add a few more things to the mix). It is a scary thing to consider. My weight is a symptom of how I feel about myself, not what others do or say. It's something that I always am going to have to work on within myself.

    That Guy once told me that being thin wasn't going to make me a happier person. I knew that but it's always good to remember. It's about being happy with yourself and your choices.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for taking the time to comment...all thoughts and critiques are welcome...xoxoxo