Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What does being overweight do for you?

This morning in one of the 3000 e-mails from weightloss sites I get, this was the question. What does being overweight do for you? What an amazing question. It is so obvious that there is a reason for staying overweight, that I am gaining something from it, (or so I think).
I think for me being overweight gives me an insulation from the world. People tend to ignore me. I don't exsist. If I don't exsist then I can't be rejected or hurt. I was 6 1/2 when Denise was born. I went from the only precious daughter to second banana in the span of a day. I do remember being very resentful. My Dad always worked 2 jobs when I was young, so the 30 minutes at home he had between jobs were now filled with the baby. This used to be our play time and now it was filled with "the baby". I also lost my Mom's undivided attention. After school was supposed to be "me" time and now there was "the baby". So I started sneaking food. My Mom always had baked stuff at the house. Cookies, brownies, cake, all sorts of stuff. I would take a couple of cookies and go to my room. Or the garage. Or out behind the big tree. Food began to equal love to me. As I got older it just snowballed. The popular girl didn't want to be my friend, I ate. I couldn't tryout for the swim team. I ate. My jr. high crush didn't know I exsisted, I ate. Pretty soon I had this think wall of fat around me and I could keep the hurt and dissapointment out. Or so I thought. It's still there, only I don't have to address it or even acknowledge that is is there because now the "act" of losing weight takes over all my thoughts and movements in a day, so these things can still stay hidden.

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