Friday, June 27, 2008

Gutter Girlz

This is my layout for the challenge on Gutter Girlz. This is a new challenge blog that seems very interesting. Maybe every layout doesn't have to be *cute*. Maybe some layouts can be *real*. *Real* isn't always pretty. Anyway, hope you all like it. (Thanks Staci for the encouragement)

So from the picture you can see my Cellulitis has returned with a vengence. It hurts like a b#@*#h. I really hate this infection. It lays dormant for a while and the POW it's back. It pretty much sucks.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

daily grind

There is not much new here, just the usual go to work, bitch about supervisors and customers, then go home. There are some days when I REALLY hate my job. Or even the fact that I HAVE a job. Sometimes I would like to just lay around in bed for 4 or 5 days and not have to worry about my responsibilities. Right now in California, it is HOT!! I can't sleep until 12 or 1 in the morning. I have to get up at 6 to get ready to go to work. I am also not a morning person. The girls know at work not to talk to me for at least 1/2 hour after I get there. The Dumb-ass supervisor, on the other hand, hasn't gotten that yet and calls me as I'm walking in the door. GGRRRR.

Anyhoo...I hopefully will have a layout to post in the next day or so. I am thinking of joining a new challenge blog thanks to Staci. (I'm sorry, I don't know how to link to pages. Her blog is to the right, Scrapping time.) It seems like a cool challenge. Just don't know if I can compete, I am still pretty new at this.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

lolz dogs

see more dog pictures

This is the dog version of I can has a cheezeburger. Just as funny as the lols cats.

1 year, 7 months, 5 hours, and 32 minutes...

That's how long it has been since Denise passed. I am resigned to the fact that this is how I will tell time from now on. Everything that happens, I think it's been ..............since Denise passed. I am still amazed at how much I miss her. It is true that each day gets easier. I don't cry at the drop of a hat anymore...that could be the anti-depressent...and it is easier to talk about her. One thing is for certain though. I still think about her everyday. 1000 times a day. And I am convinced she talks to me thru the radio*. I know, I know, sometimes I think it might be time for the crazy jacket too, but it makes me feel better, so...

* I mean by the songs that get played, not that she is *literally* talking to me...I'm not THAT crazy.

So I was looking at some of the blogs and Scrapping the Music has an interesting challenge up that might get me back in the mood. And it fits the sentimental way I am feeling lately, so we'll see.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What does being overweight do for you?

This morning in one of the 3000 e-mails from weightloss sites I get, this was the question. What does being overweight do for you? What an amazing question. It is so obvious that there is a reason for staying overweight, that I am gaining something from it, (or so I think).
I think for me being overweight gives me an insulation from the world. People tend to ignore me. I don't exsist. If I don't exsist then I can't be rejected or hurt. I was 6 1/2 when Denise was born. I went from the only precious daughter to second banana in the span of a day. I do remember being very resentful. My Dad always worked 2 jobs when I was young, so the 30 minutes at home he had between jobs were now filled with the baby. This used to be our play time and now it was filled with "the baby". I also lost my Mom's undivided attention. After school was supposed to be "me" time and now there was "the baby". So I started sneaking food. My Mom always had baked stuff at the house. Cookies, brownies, cake, all sorts of stuff. I would take a couple of cookies and go to my room. Or the garage. Or out behind the big tree. Food began to equal love to me. As I got older it just snowballed. The popular girl didn't want to be my friend, I ate. I couldn't tryout for the swim team. I ate. My jr. high crush didn't know I exsisted, I ate. Pretty soon I had this think wall of fat around me and I could keep the hurt and dissapointment out. Or so I thought. It's still there, only I don't have to address it or even acknowledge that is is there because now the "act" of losing weight takes over all my thoughts and movements in a day, so these things can still stay hidden.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My Mom

My Mom is in the hospital again. She got out last week after having the difibulator put in and the pnuemonia under control. Now she can't walk. They checked her for a stroke, and thankfully, she hadn't had one. Now they are talking about putting her in a rehab facility to help her get the strength back in her legs. I sit up at night and worry about the future. I know that is pointless, what will be will be, as the song says, but I worry all the same. I will have to quit my job to help look after them. I will probably have to move closer to them. I will be strapped for money as we have made no financial plans for this eventuality. I thought Denise would be here to pick up most of the slack. How selfish of me to assume she would do most of the work. After Denise passed I assumed Kathy would be around to help. Now she has her own serious health battle to fight. I am not assuming anymore. (It seems to be dangerous for the assumee...) It will be up to me and me alone. I don't know if I am strong enough for this.

Tim Russert died this weekend of an apparent sudden heart atack. I LOVED Tim Russert. Sunday mornings will not be the same without him. Prayers to his family. There is a link to the heart association on my page. Heart disease is the number one killer of people. This is how Denise died. Denise was 34. Tim Russert was 58. This is taking young vibrant people. People who we need more of here on earth. Please take care of yourselves. (NOTE TO SELF: This means YOU too...)

I also posted some pics of my garden amd the ginormous zucchini we grew. The link is also at the side of the blog, if interested.

It's good to be back...