Thursday, January 31, 2008

being a turtle



I saw this today and my first reaction was laughter. Then I started thinking about it and I cried. I like to be safe. I don't like change, I don't like taking chances, I don't like doing things differently. I convince myself if I don't rock the boat, everything is fine. Well, It's not.

Today I am going to have to go to urgent care cause the cellulitis on my leg is not getting any better and it hurts like a b#$%#. When I had it before, I swore I would start exercising, I would lose weight, I'd control my sugar intake, I would not let this happen again. Well, here we are and I'm no better. What is wrong with me that i can't do what needs to be done? I know I would feel better. I know I would enjoy life more. I know that I would be happier with myself.

I need to be a turtle. I need to be responsible for me. I need to change it up, no matter how uncomfortable that will be.

Hopefully all will go well tonight. Last time the cellulitis was bad, I was in the hospital for 4 days.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Birthday

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Happy Birthday Sweetheart. I know you're having a great party in Heaven. Just wish you were here instead. I love you.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Rainy Sunday

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Today has been rainy here in beautiful So. Cal. The weather forecasters said it was gonna be a horrible storm, rainy all day and night with thunderstorms. I would say they were a little off. At least here where I'm at. It has rained a little on and off, but nothing like they predicted. Oh well. I got to sit home and get some rest.

Eating has been a little off track the last couple of days. Tomorrow is Denise's 36th birthday, and while I'm not disabled by grief, I am a little sad. I still can't believe she's been gone 14 months now. 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmases, and now 2 birthdays. I just wish we had had more time. I feel like things weren't finished with us. Ahh. There's just nothing I can do now but hope she knows how much I love and miss her.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Madalyn



This is Joanna and Madalyn. She was born at 10:25 am, 6lb. 10oz., 19 inches long. She is adorable. Welcome to the world little one.

New Baby



My Niece Joanna went into the hospital today at 7:00am to have her baby. I am so excited for her. Here's to a speedey and safe delivery.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Exercise

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Why do I hate to exercise? I don't like sweat. I hate sweat. I hate feeling hot and sticky and gross. I am afraid that I will not be able to finish what I start. Let's face it, I am in TERRIBLE shape. Walking to the corner puts me completely out of breath. I am lazy. Setting up the treadmill for a 10-15 min. walk seems like a complete waste to me. I am uncoordinated. I so totally have 2 left feet. I get so disgusted trying to do videos that I give up.

Why do I like exercise. I LOVE the feeling when your endorphins kick in and you feel invincible, like you could run a marathon. I have never felt a rush like that before. I need to remember that feeling.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Disneyland



My cousin and I went to Disneyland December 13, 2007. WE went for a couple of reasons. One, I have always wanted to go at Christmas time to see all the decorations. They do not dissapoint.


This is Ricki under the tree on Main St. It is HUGE!! They had the Haunted mansion all gussied up and all the outside decorations were wonderful.

The other reason was to feel a little closer to Denise. She loved Disneyland and Snow White. I tried to get a picture with Snow White, but time wasn't on our side.

This was the best I could do. I am very glad we went, I did have a sense of Denise there. Not too long ago, there was an internet story of people spreading the ashes of loved ones secretly at Disneyland. I think they should offer this is specific settings. We would have done it for her.



Then there is the "ears" pic. I told Ricki we had to get ears!! Everytime we went to Disneyland as a kid, my Mom would not let us get ears, said it was too expensive and they didn't last anyway. Well, I had to get ears. I think they are adorable, although I have been told several times that I need to smile more.
Maybe that will be my mini goal next week.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Catching up...

I have been sick. I caught some super-bug that will not go away!! Now the Dr. thinks it's allergies. It's hard to be confident in your healthcare worker when this is the THIRD diagnosis for your illness. I also get to go and have a biopsy done on my cellulitis. FUN!!! Like my leg doesn't hurt enough!!

ANYWAY, enough whining. It's time to catch up on the last couple of weeks.

First, I'd like to share a quote I came across.
One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves.
L. Tom Perry.
I was looking at quotes to find some motivation for the healthy eating. This certainly strikes a nerve. Most of the time when I start on a healthy eating plan, I am already thinking ahead to the time when I am gonna blow it. Will it be eating chocolate or just too much eating? Will I mess up today or will I make it till tomorrow? Am I gonna avoid my friends cause I am embarrassed that I couldn't do it AGAIN, or will I just not say anything so no one will know I failed? I need to find some faith. I need to know that I can do this!! I need to believe in myself.


This is a picture my son took yesterday while I was scrapbooking my Disney album. (you can check out my webshots link at the side to see it.) He didn't believe me when I told him that my cat Daisy will always sit on the desk when I am doing my scrapbooking. I usually have a soft towel for her to lay on, but yesterday she picked the felt christmas bag. I think it is hilarious!!

My healthy eating plan is going alright. I am not completely on track, as when I am sick, I crave comfort foods, but I haven't gone crazy. I have stuck to my one small healthy thing a day and I am proud of that. This week I was concentrating on eating breakfast, which I never do cause I'd have to get up 20 min. early, and doing at least 10 min. of exercise a day. I have done this everyday except yesterday I had no exercise. I was told that you need a rest day, so that's what I'm calling yesterday.

I think that is all for now, I have to get ready to go to the DR. Wish me luck...

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

New Year

Today is the start of a new year. I decided to have only one resolution this year. To do one thing a day that will positively impact my health. Today I had a 100 calorie snack and a glass of water for my nightly snack. No bagels, no candy, no tamales.

I also watched the new biggest loser. This one is a heart breaker!! Couples, teams of two, that include Mom and son, best friends, a divorced couple, a married couple, a dad and daughter.. and more. very heart wrenching.