Monday, December 22, 2008

Merry Christmas

Here's wishing all a Merry Christmas. I probably won't be posting again till after the New Year. There will be some definite changes for me in 2009. I'm excited.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Festival of Lights

These are a couple of pics of the Mission Inn's Festival of Lights...

Monday, December 08, 2008


Today I am just going to ramble. I have a lot of things jumbled together in my head. First of all, I am off work for 10 days. Not because I want to be, although I'm not too upset...,but because my cellulitis is causing me problems. AGAIN!!! I have to go for a bone scan to make sure that the infection hasn't spread to my bone. FUN... I'm not too worried, but having someone tell you that losing a limb is a possibility is very sobering. Work is not pleased. I have just about come to a decsion about working too that will throw them in a tizzy, just need to think and pray about it before I say anything.

I need to get some Christmas shopping done. I have done a little. Very little. I am so not in the mood for this and yet there I am, smiling and trying to find some Christmas spirit. Then my Dad askes me to pick up some presents for him. So now I have to do the shopping for two. i have no problem doing his shopping. I know it's probably harder on him then it is me, I just wish my shopping was farther along.
Speaking of Christmas spirit, if you live near me, check out the Mission Inn. They have a wonderful light show and it will pick up anyone's spirits...even Scrooge.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

This little family is what I am most thankful for.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Kitties Pictures, Images and Photos

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. I have to admit that this one is a little tough for me. It's hard to think that last year, My Mom, Kathy, My Dad, and the rest of the family were all together. Now, 2 of those people are gone, suddenly, with in the year. It has been very hard to be thankful. I was able to come up with a couple of thngs, though, which shows that no matter how bleak things look, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

I am thankful for the good health of my family. Aside from some aches and pains, everyone remaining seems to be in good shape. I am thankful for my friends and family who put up with me during the year. I slip in and out of depression and they still understand. (Or pretend, I don't know, LOL) I am thankful for the upcoming birth of my granddaughter. This has been the one thing that has pulled me through these dark days. The promise of a new life. And I am thankful for the internet. I have found a place to put my feelings, share my outlook on art, and found some friends who understand the ups and downs of trying to be a better person.

All in all, things aren't so bad. Different, but not bad.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

catching up

This beautiful young woman is my DIL. And that beautiful tummy is my granddaughter. Kimberly thinks she looks fat. She is 5 months pregnant, and my thigh is fatter than her whole stomach. Now I realize it is natural for women to think they're fat when they are pregnant, but COME ON!!! My son is on pins and needles cause of the mood swings, and I just keep telling him to be nice. Lie once in a while. And under no circumstances fall prey to the "I won't get mad if you tell me the truth" speech. HAHA.

Here is my latest layout. This picture of my Mom was taken at my cousin's wedding, and I think it really is a good picture. Very realistic. The sticker says "The only love you keep is the love you give away" I like that because it was so her. She was always more concerned with other people than herself. Even to the end.

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of Denise's death. I tried to do a page for her, but I just can't. I just can't make myself do it. I am full of ideas and have the pictures, but just can't put it all together. Maybe someday.
Thursday was the service for my friend, Kathy. It was very nice, a lot of people showed up. Kathy was a very friendly person. We would be in a restaraunt and she would just start a conversation out of the blue with the table next to us. I will miss her alot.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday, Sunday...

Well, So Cal is on fire again. It happens every year around this time, high temps, low humidity and those aweful Santa Ana winds. I was supposed to go see my Dad in Fullerton today, but the freeway is shut down cause the cities in between us are on fire. Chino Hills, Anahiem Hills, Diamond Bar, Corona. The freeway cuts right in the iddle of these hills. We should be OK. He is way to the west of the fires and we are to the east.

Tonight we are goning to have my late birthday party at Dave and Buster's. We couldn't have it on my birthday cause my face was swollen to about 3 times it size because of an allergic reaction to some antibiotics. I am looking forward to it. I get to see some old friends from my other store and a chance to just relax is always welcome. I should have some pics to post too.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My guardian angels

These are my guardian angels. They are Kathy, my Mom, and Denise. Kathy went to join them today. She lost her fight with lung cancer. I have lost all three of these precious souls in the span of less than 2 years. I am so sad that they are not here to be a part of my everyday life, but I am hugely grateful that I was blessed with their pressence for as long as I was. May they rest in peace.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

So my order from Tallyscrapper came in yesterday and these are some of the totally cool papers I got. I love, love, love the peacock one in paticular, but I think they are all really good. Now, to get back in the swing of things abd actually do some scrapbooking. I did decide though, that I need to cool it on buying stuff and use up some of the things I already have. When the paper came today, I did not look at the ads, cause I don't want to know what new things are on sale at Michael's, LOL.

Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE Johnny Cash. My Neice found this shirt for her baby, Maddie, and I had to scrap it. I really liked the way it turned out. The only thing I would have done different was put her name in white letters, but I don't have any. I'm not even sure they make white letters, LOL.

So today is the last day of my little vaycay, and I am very sad. 4 days was not enough!!! I need to save some vacation days for March, when the baby is born, so I will have to live with it for now. I think in March I'm gonna take off 2 weeks. Here's to hoping my sanity lasts till then, LOL.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

President Obama

I am very happy with this turn of events. I think the country needs a change of pace and I think Obama is the man for the job. Not to mention the fact that America has finally grown up and proved that there really is equality for all. I am VERY proud to be an AMERICAN.
(I realize that there are some who are not as pleased as I. Please, if you can not say something nice, keep it to yourself...)

Friday, October 24, 2008


So I went to work today, but my leg hurt soo much. I decided not to go in tomorrow. I switched with my 2nd assistant and she will work tomorrow and I'll work on Sunday. Hopefully I can keep the leg up tomorrow and with the antibiotics the pain will start to diminish. I should have taken the 3 days off like the Dr. wanted me too...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

pain, pain, and more pain...

I AM IN PAIN...LOL. Seriously, this cellulitis is horrible. I go back to the doctor today, but I don't know what he can do for the pain. Last time he gave me vicadin, and it doesn't help!!! If I keep the wound covered, it helps, but keeping it covered slows down the healing. AND I have to keep it covered when I'm working, which is all the time, so when I'm off, I really try to keep it open. But it hurts!!!
So I know I've talked about my jackass of a doctor before, but the last visit he really ticked me off. I asked what could I do to help prevent the cellulitis because everytime I get a scratch or something it blows up into this full blown infection and the pain seems to get worse everytime. His answer was, and I swear I am not making this up, was "Don't get a scratch." WTF??? Does he think I do this on purpose? Is he really that stupid? I contacted the insurance to switch doctors. The process is insane. So, I am stuck with Mr. Congeniality for a while longer.
Anyway, just needed to vent...

Sunday, October 19, 2008


I found this picture on photobucket and LOVED it. Living in california, we don't have an autumn to speak of. I think it would be so cool to live where the leaves actually change color and all that stuff. An actual changing of the seasons.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I have been in a bit of depression lately. I thought I was handling my mom's death pretty well, and the BAM...I got hit!! It happened the day before my birthday. I came home from work and checked the mail. There's a card from my neice and I thought, that's from my neice. hum? Then there's a card from her mother. I thought why are they sending me these cards? Oh yeah, it's my birthday. Then I checked the next letter to see if it is from my Mom. BAM...I will never get another birthday card from my Mom. I cried all night. I have been a basket case since. I did go back to the Dr. and he gave me a stronger anti-depression med. I also couldn't sleep. One or two hours at the most and then I'm up. Then to make things just peachy...the cellulitis is back with a vengence. I am on my third round of antibiotics and thankfully am starting to see some results, but this time has been horrific. The pain, the blisters, the itching. It pretty much sucks.

But it's not all bad news. The unofficial verdict from the Dr. is my grandbaby is a girl. We won't know for sure until next month, but I really hope it is. We have lost too many girls in the family lately. I need a grandaughter to spoil. LOL.

I watched the finally of Project Runway last night. (depression be damned, I'm not sick enough to miss that. LOL) I am happy Leanne won. I'm surprised, but happy. I thought Korto would win. I liked Kenley's line, but Kenley herself needs to grow up some. I like Leanne's line, I just thought it was too *one note* for the judges. How great was it to have Tim as the final Judge.?
I was very happy with that turn of events.

Well. time to get some work done around here. I'll be back.....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

my life

I know it's been a while and that is mostly cause I have been too lazy to write. Everynight I think I should get on there and write something. Get it out in the open, but then I go to sleep or read or just veg out in front of the TV.
Things since my mother's death have been OK. I must say I am surprised. All the emotional heaviness and profound sense of loss I felt with Denise's passing haven't shown up to this party yet. I miss her dearly, I find myself thinking I need to call her and tell her about this or when I'm shopping I think she would like this but I don't feel the acute sadness I felt with Denise. I think this is because I know that she is at peace. The last month of her life she was basically confined to a bed and couldn't move. She couldn't even shift her position in bed. She was so unhappy like that. I know that she held on for as long as she did for me. One of the last things she told me was that she knew I was afaid of being alone but i wasn't. I had Ricki (My cousin/sister) and my friends and Daddy and I would be fine. And I am. For now.

Now, this lovely photo shows that I am going to be a GRANDMA!!!!! I am so excited. My son and his girlfriend have been together for 3 years and she is a lovely girl. The proud soon-to-be parents told me on the day of my Mother's memorial service. It seemed quite fitting some how. Circle of life and all that... I am not-so-secretly hoping it's a girl and Rose makes a lovely middle name, but I'm not pushing anything here...LOl

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Project Runway

Let me say first of all...THANK JESUS that Daniel is GONE!!!!!! That boy was getting on my LAST nerve. With his confused looks, helpless attitude and the thought that he had so much style and class compared to the others. PLEEEZZEEEE! This one, in my opinion, the judges were dead on right. He should have been gone after the olympic fiasco, but better late than never.
Now for the complaints. 1)-Does anyone think that Teri got robbed??? Joe's outfit was cute, but for over-the-top theatrics, Teri was #1. 2)-Where was Chris during the judging? Since he did all the rest, telling them the challenge, and coming in with Tim, wouldn't you have thought he was going to be the guest judge? No offense to Rupaul (Who, BTW, I thought looked sick or really tired) but I would have LOVED for Chris to put in his 2 cents. 3)-The editors have got to start cutting out Blaine's *Licious*ness. If I hear *girlicious* one more time I'm gonna throw something at the TV.
That's all. Just my little opinions to be put out there.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Rose Croucher. 6/41-8/08

My beautiful mother went to be with Denise Tuesday night. It was time for her to find some rest. I am at peace with it. I will miss her desperately, I have already caught myself thinking" I have to tell my Mom...". I know she missed Denise terriblely, so I know they are having a good time catching up.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

My Mother

My Mother was a stay at home mom. My Dad worked 2 jobs so she could take care of me and Denise. He said that his job was to make the money and her job was to raise the kids. She was OK with that. I know that if it had been neccesary, she would have worked outside the home. We were lucky that it never was.

I remember coming home from school and knowing what we were going to have for dinner cause it was already cooking. I remember her breaking popcicles in half, one for me, one for Denise. I remember her sitting at the sewing machine, hours at a time, making me and Denise all new clothes for school. I remember Christmas, her favorite holiday, baking and baking for days to be able to make cookie trays for all the neighbors and family. I remember her letting me brush her hair while we watched tv. I remember her going to my Grandmother's twice a week, every week, walking, to clean her house and make sure she was OK. I remember her letting me take over the patio for Barbie world in the summer. I remember the *this hurts me more than it hurts you* speech before getting a spanking. I remember her telling me to look after my little sister cause in the end we would only have each other.

My Mother is dying. She has worked hard and deserves a rest. The adult in me knows it is time. The litle girl in me is screaming don't leave me alone!!!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Dear Denise

Dear Denise,
I hope you have gotten thngs ready. She is on her way. Could be days, could be weeks, could be months. I don't know. The doctors don't know. What I do know is that my heart is breaking and the only good thing about this is she'll get to see you again. She has missed you so much. Take care of her and tell her not to worry. I'll be OK.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008


This is the aftermath of the Earthquake this afternoon. 5.4 at this writing. Epicenter Chino Hills which is about 15 miles from here. It was really strong here. And it went on FOREVER. Usually they last 10-15 seconds. This lasted at least 30 seconds. I actually got off of the couch, thought I might have to *duck and cover*. My husbands horses were the only causulty here. Hope everyone else is OK.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Guttergirlz #3

This is my layout for Guttergirlz. The subject was When we Fight and the technique was ripped. I thought I didn't do the *ripped* part, but I ripped the page from my journal. Does that count?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Thank God it's Friday...

This has been a horrible week. So many things have gone wrong and I am glad it is over with.

Monday: 19 cent tacos where I work. The owner died in May and they decided to do a promotion in his honor. I had to work from 6am to 8pm. Why??? Because they decided to do the promotion on a Monday, which is inventory day. They also picked end-of-the month Monday, which means we also have to do paper inventory, so we have to be there at 6 am. They ran the promotion from 11 am to 8 pm. So we all got to stay till 8 pm. I was so exhuasted when I got home. I also messed up my knee, so now it hurts again.

Tuesday: I get told that the diferential on my car is broken. Of course it's the diferential. There is no way it could be the transmission that I had replaced 4 months ago and is still under WARRANTY!!!! So, I have been car-less since Tuesday and have no idea how much this is gonna cost me.

Thursday: My Mom gets out of the hospital to have hospice care at the house. I can't get the day off, so I have no idea how things are going. I don't know how much work falls to my Dad. I don't even know if the carpet got put in like it was supposed too. I am a horribe failure as a daughter right now. My husband and I also get into another I-hate-you-why-don't-you-sell-the-house-already fights. The man HAS to be going through some kind of male menopause and I don't think I'm gonna survive. He is INSANE!!!!!

Today: My knee hurts like a bitch so walking around at work has not been fun. I keep telling myself just one more day. I feel bad because I have neglected friends and family alike. I need 2 more hours a day.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Taco Tues.

Last night I went out to dinner with my two great friends, Stefanie and Ryan. He works at On The Border, a southwest type restaraunt. They have GREAT food!!! I got the chicken enchiladas in a green sauce. OMG!! They were great. I also split a brownie sundae. It was the best brownie I have ever had. He wants me to go work with him there, and give up on Bakers. I just don't know if I have it in me to start over. I would really like to quit working in a couple of years.

I am off to see my Mom today. She is still in the hospital. But she is getting better, so that is good. I was a little worried there for a moment. State of mind is everything, and she was stating to lose it.

Hopefully I will have some layouts posted later. I've been working on a couple of projects.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

new challenge

This is my layout for the new challenge at Gutter Girlz. The prompt was "Junkie". How appropriate is that?? I could have done this layout about a miriad of things, but chose the m&m's cause that is my biggest weakness. Every week I eat 2 bags. One on each day off. I had to make a bargain with myself otherwise I would be eating them all the time.

I also wanted to say thanks to the girlz who encouraged me and looked at my blog. It means a lot.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Quick hello

Just a quick hello to say that I am still around. I'm not doing so well, but I'm here. The Doctor gave me new antibiotics for the cellulitis, and they are KICKING MY BUTT!! I am sick to my stomach, I have a headache all the time and I am tired. I don't have to go back to work until the 13th, but I am not getting anything done here.

Then to top it off, we had to put my Mom in a nursing home. She fell in the bathroom, and had to have stitches above her eye and on her hand. At this moment she cannot stand up or walk. We are hoping it is temporary, she sees a physical therpist everyday.

Anyhoo, that is my world at the moment. Hopefully I will have something positive to write in a day or two.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Gutter Girlz

This is my layout for the challenge on Gutter Girlz. This is a new challenge blog that seems very interesting. Maybe every layout doesn't have to be *cute*. Maybe some layouts can be *real*. *Real* isn't always pretty. Anyway, hope you all like it. (Thanks Staci for the encouragement)

So from the picture you can see my Cellulitis has returned with a vengence. It hurts like a b#@*#h. I really hate this infection. It lays dormant for a while and the POW it's back. It pretty much sucks.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

daily grind

There is not much new here, just the usual go to work, bitch about supervisors and customers, then go home. There are some days when I REALLY hate my job. Or even the fact that I HAVE a job. Sometimes I would like to just lay around in bed for 4 or 5 days and not have to worry about my responsibilities. Right now in California, it is HOT!! I can't sleep until 12 or 1 in the morning. I have to get up at 6 to get ready to go to work. I am also not a morning person. The girls know at work not to talk to me for at least 1/2 hour after I get there. The Dumb-ass supervisor, on the other hand, hasn't gotten that yet and calls me as I'm walking in the door. GGRRRR.

Anyhoo...I hopefully will have a layout to post in the next day or so. I am thinking of joining a new challenge blog thanks to Staci. (I'm sorry, I don't know how to link to pages. Her blog is to the right, Scrapping time.) It seems like a cool challenge. Just don't know if I can compete, I am still pretty new at this.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

lolz dogs

see more dog pictures

This is the dog version of I can has a cheezeburger. Just as funny as the lols cats.

1 year, 7 months, 5 hours, and 32 minutes...

That's how long it has been since Denise passed. I am resigned to the fact that this is how I will tell time from now on. Everything that happens, I think it's been ..............since Denise passed. I am still amazed at how much I miss her. It is true that each day gets easier. I don't cry at the drop of a hat anymore...that could be the anti-depressent...and it is easier to talk about her. One thing is for certain though. I still think about her everyday. 1000 times a day. And I am convinced she talks to me thru the radio*. I know, I know, sometimes I think it might be time for the crazy jacket too, but it makes me feel better, so...

* I mean by the songs that get played, not that she is *literally* talking to me...I'm not THAT crazy.

So I was looking at some of the blogs and Scrapping the Music has an interesting challenge up that might get me back in the mood. And it fits the sentimental way I am feeling lately, so we'll see.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What does being overweight do for you?

This morning in one of the 3000 e-mails from weightloss sites I get, this was the question. What does being overweight do for you? What an amazing question. It is so obvious that there is a reason for staying overweight, that I am gaining something from it, (or so I think).
I think for me being overweight gives me an insulation from the world. People tend to ignore me. I don't exsist. If I don't exsist then I can't be rejected or hurt. I was 6 1/2 when Denise was born. I went from the only precious daughter to second banana in the span of a day. I do remember being very resentful. My Dad always worked 2 jobs when I was young, so the 30 minutes at home he had between jobs were now filled with the baby. This used to be our play time and now it was filled with "the baby". I also lost my Mom's undivided attention. After school was supposed to be "me" time and now there was "the baby". So I started sneaking food. My Mom always had baked stuff at the house. Cookies, brownies, cake, all sorts of stuff. I would take a couple of cookies and go to my room. Or the garage. Or out behind the big tree. Food began to equal love to me. As I got older it just snowballed. The popular girl didn't want to be my friend, I ate. I couldn't tryout for the swim team. I ate. My jr. high crush didn't know I exsisted, I ate. Pretty soon I had this think wall of fat around me and I could keep the hurt and dissapointment out. Or so I thought. It's still there, only I don't have to address it or even acknowledge that is is there because now the "act" of losing weight takes over all my thoughts and movements in a day, so these things can still stay hidden.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My Mom

My Mom is in the hospital again. She got out last week after having the difibulator put in and the pnuemonia under control. Now she can't walk. They checked her for a stroke, and thankfully, she hadn't had one. Now they are talking about putting her in a rehab facility to help her get the strength back in her legs. I sit up at night and worry about the future. I know that is pointless, what will be will be, as the song says, but I worry all the same. I will have to quit my job to help look after them. I will probably have to move closer to them. I will be strapped for money as we have made no financial plans for this eventuality. I thought Denise would be here to pick up most of the slack. How selfish of me to assume she would do most of the work. After Denise passed I assumed Kathy would be around to help. Now she has her own serious health battle to fight. I am not assuming anymore. (It seems to be dangerous for the assumee...) It will be up to me and me alone. I don't know if I am strong enough for this.

Tim Russert died this weekend of an apparent sudden heart atack. I LOVED Tim Russert. Sunday mornings will not be the same without him. Prayers to his family. There is a link to the heart association on my page. Heart disease is the number one killer of people. This is how Denise died. Denise was 34. Tim Russert was 58. This is taking young vibrant people. People who we need more of here on earth. Please take care of yourselves. (NOTE TO SELF: This means YOU too...)

I also posted some pics of my garden amd the ginormous zucchini we grew. The link is also at the side of the blog, if interested.

It's good to be back...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

catching up...

This is my Mom and her friend Kathy. The main reason I've been mia is they are both sick. Kathy was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She has 3 tumors, one wrapped around her aorta. She does not smoke so this came out of left field. My Mom is in the hospital again. She has pnuemonia and they think she is going into congestive heart failure. I have been spending a lot of time in Fullerton trying to keep things together. Any good thoughts or prayers are appreciated.

Sunday, May 18, 2008


more cat pictures

I little humor while I get my thoughts together...more to follow.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

weekly update...

ALI WON THE BIGGEST LOSER!!!!!!!! I am so happy for her. Doesn't she look amazing???

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Another week

I don't mean for this to be a weekly blog, but time seems to be getting away from me. Between work and trying to get things straightened up around here, I always seem to run out of time at the end of the night. So here's what I've been doing this week.

First, The Biggest Loser. Alli and Kelly made it into the final and the 2 boys were below the yellow line. How Cool Is That? I have to say, Kelly REALLY surprised me. I didn't think she had a snowballs chance of making it. I think Alli will be the Biggest Loser. She is determined. I can't believe how good she looks. And she did almost all of it at home. I voted to keep Mark there. I love Roger, but I felt like the elimination was crap. The contestants should have been able to vote off who they wanted like they always have done. All the "surprises" this season have been weird. So I voted for Roger cause I know that's what the contestants would have done. Next week will be interesting.

I also discovered Netflix. This is another reason I haven't been posting that much. In the last 2 weeks I have watched 4 movies. That is a record for me. The last movie I saw in a theater was Titanic. LOL. I just can't justify paying that much for a movie, so I'm always years behind on watching them. So far I've seen Knocked Up, The Wedding Date, Enchanted, and The Darjeeling Limited. The last one was wierd, but I enjoyed them all. It's hard not to think you have to get them back right away, so I try to watch them quickly. I need to start pacing myself.

I still haven't done any scrapbooking. I need to go take some new pics to get my juices flowing again. The pressure of all the scrapbook stuff staring at me is starting to get to me, haha.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Today I was off work, thank God. I am really trying to like this new store, but I don't. The majority of the people are good workers and want the store to succeed, and I am trying for their sake. The area is ghetto, the customers are rude and annoying, the sales are in the pits, and the supervisors are expecting miricles. I just don't think I have it in me to turn it around. I'm not sure it can be done, to be honest.

I didn't really do anything today. Some shopping at Target, and I got my stuff from the Little Scrapbook Store, mostly paper, Urban Lily, and some Prima flowers. Maybe that will get my mojo back. I also picked up some cute stuff from the $1.00 bins at Target. They had a surprising selection of scrapbook stuff there. After that I came home, ate a package of jelly bellys, and watched a marathon of Clean House.

I have never seen this show before, and it is very enlightning. They basically go to a home that is an organizational mess, have a yard sale, then use the proceeds to redo the rooms. (Maybe it was the precursor to Clean Sweep?). I was amazed at the things people keep and the things that they *think* thay would never part with and then pretty much cave when pressed by the host. How heavenly to have people come in, empty your house of all the crap, and then redo it. That would be my fantasy!!! That's right, no hunks for me, just a clean house with everything in its place. (Maybe the handyman could be Ty Pennington LOL!!!) Now there is a fantasy. Now I'm off to dream.......

Sunday, March 30, 2008

MIA no more...

I know it's been over a month since I last posted. I'm sorry. I feel into a DEEP funk and just couldn't bring myself to share it and bring everyine else down. I'm not completely better yet, but I'm getting there.
Everything just hit me at once. Dissatisfaction with work, being unhappy with my weight, my lack of exercise, and horror of all horrors, losing my scrap mojo. I know that this is all a temporary situation, but when it hits all at once, it feels insurmountable.
I have been keeping up a little with the blogs I read, and I am so proud of everyone. It is not easy putting yourself out there for people to see your mistakes or flaws.
I will post some of the things going on tomorrow, just wanted to get the juices flowing again.

Please do not leave me a comment to tell me a) that Jesus loves me. I already know this. b)that I need the latest medical enhancement. I AM A WOMAN. Or c) I need to check out you blog about _______. I read the blogs that interest me.
I welcome commnts from sincere, honest people who share the same interestes or struggles that I do. Do not try to sell me something. Thanks.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I can't think of a title....

This is my layout of Joanna from her baby shower. I have been working on her scrapbook and really liked the way this one turned out.
My frame of mind hasn't really improved much since monday. I did tell my boss I needed the rest of the week off. So I don't go back in till Monday. I am just in one of those funks I guess. Yesterday I shopped. Today I am going to attempt to clean the kitchen and the bedroom. Tomorrow my cousin and I are going to a craft show and then I'll probably go see me parents in the evening. Sat. and Sun. I don't know yet. Probably finish Eat Love Pray and then get started on Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Big? by Peter Walsh. There has been a lot of chatter on the blogs about the connection between clutter and fat. It makes sense to me. I know if my kitchen were in better shape I'd be more inclined to *make* dinner instead of snacking.
Off to clean something...wish me luck.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Manic Monday

I started reading this last night and I am jealous. I want to have this kind of adventure. The writer goes and spends 4 months in Italy, 4 months in India, and 4 months in Indonesia. I have just started it, but I can tell it's gonna be very enlightning for me.
Is it possible that I'm having some kind of mid-life crisis? I mean, I don't have this crazy urge to buy a red sports car, or trade in my hubby for a 20 something stud, or buy hair plugs, but something is definetly off kilter. I am restless, i feel like I should be on the edge of this great ephiphany in my life or some religous clarity should be hitting me right between the eyes but nothing is happening.
I feel like I am wasting my life. These are the things I am thinking right now:
1-I hate my job right now.
2-I am not liking hubby very much right now.
3- I feel tied down to my life.
4- I feel guilty for not being there more for my parents.
5- I feel guilty for not being there for my friends.
6- I wish I could get in my car and drive away and not worry about the consequences.
7- I feel that at this point in my life, I should be able to make decisions based on my wants and needs and not because it is safe or it's expected or it's not realistic.


I need hair plugs!!!!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

15 years

This is Stefanie and me at the awards lunch today for Baker's. Stef is my long lost *daughter*. I love this girl something fierce. She is one of the main reasons I hated leaving my old store.

These are some of the other reason I hated to go. This is Becky, Letty and Janelle. I hired and trained all these girls and they are some of the best workers I ever had.

I had a lot of fun at the lunch. Got to see the old employees and people I had worked with years ago.
Baker's isn't such a bad place.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I love you always forever...

This is my entry for scrapping the music this week. The song is I Love You Always Forever. My first thought was my son. Romantic love comes and goes, but the love of a mother for her child is always and forever. My life was completely changed the day he was born. The paper is Urban Lily, which I love but often don't know how to use it. The embellishments are Me and my BIG Ideas.

Life has been OK. My eating has been good except for today. What is with people who know you are trying to eat healthy and lose weight and they bring you doughnuts!!! Hubby knows that if there are doughnuts in this house, I will find them. He comes home from work today cause it is raining, and has a dozen doughnuts and hot chocolate. This is my kryptonite. He is the number one person telling me how great it would be for me to lose weight, but he is also my number one sabotager. I don't get it. Long story short is I ate 2 doughnuts. And drank the hot chocolate. I have no will power.

Tomorrow is the awards lunch at work. I will receive a 15 year award. The prize is $1000.00 to take a trip somewhere. I have no idea where I want to go. Well, I'm lying. I want to take a cruise to Alaska, but #1- $1000.00 won't cut it, it would be a minimum of $1800.00 and #2- I am in no shape to take a cruise. I need to lose at least 50 lb. more. So, where can I go for $1000.00?
I can not believe I made it 15 years with this company. In general, it is an OK place to work, but lately, it has been hard. The company lost a key member of it's supervisor staff last year, and since then, it has been all down hill.
I want to take pics with my old crew, so tomorrow I'm sure I'll have something to post.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

All the Same

This is my entry for this weeks Scrapping the Music. The song is All the Same by Sick Puppies. The line "go ahead and tell me you'll never leave again" reminded me of my cat. Daisy is an indoor cat because she was de-clawed by her previous owner. She loves to look out the window and try to make an escape whenever she sees us coming to the door to open it. One night she was out all night, and I was a wreck!!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

100 post!!

Wow, this is my 100th post. I feel like I should celebrate or something. It's hard to believe I could comeup with something to blog about 100 times!!
So first things first.

This is my entry for Scrapping the Music this week. The song is "World" by Five for Fighting. The girls are the daughters of a friend of mine. I had never heard this song before, but as I heard it I saw all this blues and reds and yellows kind of swirling around. I really like how it turned out.
The following layout is just to document my vote on Super Tuesday and the historic nature of it...not a way to put my political opinion out there.

I also like the way this one came out. I am finding myself drawn to strong colors and patterns.

On the eating healthy front, I am doing well. I have stuck to vegetables and chicken and water for most meals, the soda consupmtion is way down, and I have found the 100 calorie snack packs are my new best friends. I will admit,however, that the cupcake ones are too tempting for me. I ate 2 packs in 12 hours yesterday and lets just say it's a good thing I'm off today. I can tell you how many holes are in my ceiling tiles in the restroom!!
My leg is getting better with the antibiotics, and I start wound care next week to help get rid of the biggest scab on my leg. The Dr. says we can probably avoid anymore scars if we are careful.
Well, I want to say thanks to the 2 or 3 people who read my blog. I hope I haven't bored you and here's to 100 more posts.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

LOL tuesday

Funny Pictures
moar funny pictures
I LOVE this site!!! I laughed as soon as I saw this. I need to get my lazy cat to do something cute like this.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Scrapping the Music

I found this cool site where there are scrap challenges using the lyrics of songs. I think this idea is very cool. This is my entry for "No One" by Alisha Keyes

I like those lines of the song and of course, thought of Denise, especially since Monday was her birthday. I do wish I could keep her here forever, but God had other plans. I know it doesn't stack up to the others in the challenge, but you gotta start somewhere, right?

Friday, February 01, 2008

remebering New Year's Resolution

funny pictures
moar funny pictures


Well, I didn't have to stay in the hospital, YEAH!! The Dr. gave me a shot of antibiotics, 2 prescriptions, and 4 days off work. I could lie and say I'm bummed about being off, but I can't do that. I wish I wasn't in so much pain, so I could go do something fun, but I'm OK just laying here. On th good news front, I am down 15 Lb.!!!I am within spiting distance of being under 300 Lb. I can not remember the last time I was under 300Lb.

This is a layout of Madalyn and David. (Daddy) Expect to see a lot of these. I really like the way it turned out. I experimented some, and was pleased with the results. The paper is new from Making Memories called Chelsea's Place. I really like it. I am surprised at the types of paper I am drawn to. This seems very artsy To me. I got it at Michaels. I do not need anymore paper, but could not pass it up.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

being a turtle

I saw this today and my first reaction was laughter. Then I started thinking about it and I cried. I like to be safe. I don't like change, I don't like taking chances, I don't like doing things differently. I convince myself if I don't rock the boat, everything is fine. Well, It's not.

Today I am going to have to go to urgent care cause the cellulitis on my leg is not getting any better and it hurts like a b#$%#. When I had it before, I swore I would start exercising, I would lose weight, I'd control my sugar intake, I would not let this happen again. Well, here we are and I'm no better. What is wrong with me that i can't do what needs to be done? I know I would feel better. I know I would enjoy life more. I know that I would be happier with myself.

I need to be a turtle. I need to be responsible for me. I need to change it up, no matter how uncomfortable that will be.

Hopefully all will go well tonight. Last time the cellulitis was bad, I was in the hospital for 4 days.

Monday, January 28, 2008



Happy Birthday Sweetheart. I know you're having a great party in Heaven. Just wish you were here instead. I love you.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Rainy Sunday

Today has been rainy here in beautiful So. Cal. The weather forecasters said it was gonna be a horrible storm, rainy all day and night with thunderstorms. I would say they were a little off. At least here where I'm at. It has rained a little on and off, but nothing like they predicted. Oh well. I got to sit home and get some rest.

Eating has been a little off track the last couple of days. Tomorrow is Denise's 36th birthday, and while I'm not disabled by grief, I am a little sad. I still can't believe she's been gone 14 months now. 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmases, and now 2 birthdays. I just wish we had had more time. I feel like things weren't finished with us. Ahh. There's just nothing I can do now but hope she knows how much I love and miss her.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


This is Joanna and Madalyn. She was born at 10:25 am, 6lb. 10oz., 19 inches long. She is adorable. Welcome to the world little one.

New Baby

My Niece Joanna went into the hospital today at 7:00am to have her baby. I am so excited for her. Here's to a speedey and safe delivery.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008



Why do I hate to exercise? I don't like sweat. I hate sweat. I hate feeling hot and sticky and gross. I am afraid that I will not be able to finish what I start. Let's face it, I am in TERRIBLE shape. Walking to the corner puts me completely out of breath. I am lazy. Setting up the treadmill for a 10-15 min. walk seems like a complete waste to me. I am uncoordinated. I so totally have 2 left feet. I get so disgusted trying to do videos that I give up.

Why do I like exercise. I LOVE the feeling when your endorphins kick in and you feel invincible, like you could run a marathon. I have never felt a rush like that before. I need to remember that feeling.

Monday, January 14, 2008


My cousin and I went to Disneyland December 13, 2007. WE went for a couple of reasons. One, I have always wanted to go at Christmas time to see all the decorations. They do not dissapoint.

This is Ricki under the tree on Main St. It is HUGE!! They had the Haunted mansion all gussied up and all the outside decorations were wonderful.

The other reason was to feel a little closer to Denise. She loved Disneyland and Snow White. I tried to get a picture with Snow White, but time wasn't on our side.

This was the best I could do. I am very glad we went, I did have a sense of Denise there. Not too long ago, there was an internet story of people spreading the ashes of loved ones secretly at Disneyland. I think they should offer this is specific settings. We would have done it for her.

Then there is the "ears" pic. I told Ricki we had to get ears!! Everytime we went to Disneyland as a kid, my Mom would not let us get ears, said it was too expensive and they didn't last anyway. Well, I had to get ears. I think they are adorable, although I have been told several times that I need to smile more.
Maybe that will be my mini goal next week.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Catching up...

I have been sick. I caught some super-bug that will not go away!! Now the Dr. thinks it's allergies. It's hard to be confident in your healthcare worker when this is the THIRD diagnosis for your illness. I also get to go and have a biopsy done on my cellulitis. FUN!!! Like my leg doesn't hurt enough!!

ANYWAY, enough whining. It's time to catch up on the last couple of weeks.

First, I'd like to share a quote I came across.
One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves.
L. Tom Perry.
I was looking at quotes to find some motivation for the healthy eating. This certainly strikes a nerve. Most of the time when I start on a healthy eating plan, I am already thinking ahead to the time when I am gonna blow it. Will it be eating chocolate or just too much eating? Will I mess up today or will I make it till tomorrow? Am I gonna avoid my friends cause I am embarrassed that I couldn't do it AGAIN, or will I just not say anything so no one will know I failed? I need to find some faith. I need to know that I can do this!! I need to believe in myself.

This is a picture my son took yesterday while I was scrapbooking my Disney album. (you can check out my webshots link at the side to see it.) He didn't believe me when I told him that my cat Daisy will always sit on the desk when I am doing my scrapbooking. I usually have a soft towel for her to lay on, but yesterday she picked the felt christmas bag. I think it is hilarious!!

My healthy eating plan is going alright. I am not completely on track, as when I am sick, I crave comfort foods, but I haven't gone crazy. I have stuck to my one small healthy thing a day and I am proud of that. This week I was concentrating on eating breakfast, which I never do cause I'd have to get up 20 min. early, and doing at least 10 min. of exercise a day. I have done this everyday except yesterday I had no exercise. I was told that you need a rest day, so that's what I'm calling yesterday.

I think that is all for now, I have to get ready to go to the DR. Wish me luck...

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

New Year

Today is the start of a new year. I decided to have only one resolution this year. To do one thing a day that will positively impact my health. Today I had a 100 calorie snack and a glass of water for my nightly snack. No bagels, no candy, no tamales.

I also watched the new biggest loser. This one is a heart breaker!! Couples, teams of two, that include Mom and son, best friends, a divorced couple, a married couple, a dad and daughter.. and more. very heart wrenching.