This morning I went to see my doctor. All in all it was pretty good news all around. My blood pressure was 130/80. My weight was down 13 lb. (!!). I was prescribed Paxil for my depression, given a referral for a mamogram, and had some blood work done to test for diabetes, cholesterol, and other stuff that I can't remember. I have to go back in about 2 weeks.
I talked to him about the depression and it was like I was talking to Tom Cruise. Clearly this Dr. does not believe in mental illnesses. He says it is natural to be upset after a loved one dies. I said yes, but is it natural to want to take the woman who cut in front of you at Walmart and pound her head into the floor till you see blood? Cause that Is what I wanted to do Monday night. Is it normal for the words, Do you need anything hun? ,to bring you to the brink of a crying jag that lasted 10 mins.? Is it normal to hear your son talk about moving out with his girlfriend and not care? I don't think so, but I don't have a medical degree either. I finally convinced him to give me something, I think it was the walmart incident that did it.
I also want to thank everyone who has shown concern, I really appreciate it. Everyone says that mourning is an up and down proccess and they are absolutely right. I know things are harder right now as we approach the 1 year mark, and I am trying to just go with the flow, but it is so hard right now. I just ache to talk to Denise, laugh with her, see her. I miss her so much.