Wednesday, June 06, 2007

My fat shield

The other day I said I would analyze my reasons for staying fat. I've spent 2 days thinking and this is what I have come up with.

1~ My fat is a shield. Being this weight I am invisible. People usually ignore me. I am OK with that. I do not like the extra attention. When I was a teenager, I lost a lot of weight. I went from 215 to 130 in the span of a summer. (I was told that I had a thyriod condition and was put on a seriously strict diet.) All of a sudden, I had a body. I am big chested, and that combined with the emergence of hips and curves out of the childlike blob of a body I had turned some heads. I was 12-13 years old and seriously looked 18. Guys were always hitting on me. And it wasn't always the nice, casual hit. It was, WOW, great jugs!! And boys (men) thought they could touch me. WTF? Since when is it ever OK to touch someone you don't know?
2~ My fat is mine. I got married at 18. My hubby is 8 years older than me. He has always been very demanding. My house is not clean enough. My cooking is not good enough. My mothering was not good enough. My sexuality wasn't good enough. He feels the need to constantly berate me, correct me, counsel me, and talk down to me. He is always on me to lose weight and be pretty again. He tells me I am a disgrace and ugly and he is embarrassed by me. He may be right, but by GOD Almighty, this fat is MINE and no matter how much he bitches and moans, I can hang onto it if I want and he can't do a thing about it.
3~ My fat is my excuse. Anything I don't want to do or can't do, I can blame on me being fat. DIDN't clean the house today? My legs and back hurt. (from carrying extra weight) Go to the beach? At this weight, are you crazy? Go shopping at the ultra mall they just built? I can't walk that far.
So, Do I need some therapy or what????

Now that I know these things, how do I fix them?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for taking the time to comment...all thoughts and critiques are welcome...xoxoxo