Monday, June 11, 2007

I've been thinking about Denise a lot today. I think it is because I started getting the stuff for her scrapbook together last night. I am currently doing the book for my cousin of her cruise, and I have a few little projects planned, pages, not whole books, then I want to get started on the book for Denise.
I can not believe she has been gone for over 6 months. I miss her terribly. I have been working on a poem, maybe soon it will be ready. She had such a zest for life, she didn't let her size get in the way of much. If she could do it, great, if not, oh well. Lately I've wondered how much of that was an act. She didn't go to our cousin's wedding cause of her size. She had quit going to the movies, which she loved, cause of her size. I wonder how much of why we are fat has to do with heredity and how much is just us.
We both are sugar addicts. When we cleaned her room out, the candy I found was amazing. I'm like that too. I have to have something sweet. And I have to have it now. Once I start thinking about it, I will not let up until I have it. Kinda like a spoiled child. She hid the fact that she ate so much junk from my Mom. She would bring it into the house in her purse. I find myself doing that too. Not sneaking it in, but waiting until everyone is gone or asleep before I eat it. No witnesses, no calories.
She shouldn't have died so soon. We should have taken a more active role in helping her lose weight. If only we'd known what a life and death deal it was.
I remembered my quote today, and it did help in some of my food choices. I had a ww bun with my burger, no cheese at lunch. I took 1/2 the chips out of a 2 1/2 oz. bag of chips and put the rest away for my snack. I considered staying away from the chips altogether, but I have to be realistic. If I say I CAN'T have something, I become obsessed. So I'm going to try the better portion method. I am going to stay away from refined products, sugar, flour, etc., but if I want something, I will eat only the portion size so i don't feel deprived. I am also going to up the veggies, up the water, and zero out the soda. Baby Steps.
"Quod me nutriste me destruite"

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