I have been reading some of the blogs I keep track of, and one of them really hit me today. The blogger had gone to a great deal of trouble to have some alone time to track and keep her diet motivated. Set up an office space, got her printer out of the closet, set up supplies. It reminded me a lot of myself. I am a great *getting ready to do it* person. Have the supplies? Check. Have the motivational quotes? Check. Have the recipes downloaded from the internet? Check. Have the websites of key diet and inspirational web pages and/or the dailt e-mails set up? Check.
Maybe it is the planning that gets me off. Maybe the sense that I have done something, when in fact I really haven't. The illusion that I really really am going to do it this time. I am very good at planning. It is the implementation of things that gets me. I can plan my menu of the day, then get up late and say oh well, I blew it. I don't have time now to pre package everything, I'll be late for work. I can make a list of things I want to accomplish while I am home, then wait until Friday and do it all in one day.
Maybe if I actually start something, I might be expected to finish it. If I lost 5 lb., I might be expected to lose 50. It is much, much easier to say that my plans got waylaid then to say that I didn't want it enough, that I wasn't important enough, that it was too much work. Gaining 150 lb. was quite easy. Sit around, eat, eat and eat. Losing it is a bitch. Actually sweating to the oldies??? Depriving myself of that 1/2 pan of brownies that are calling out my name? Fighting that late night craving instead of giving in? My God, if I had that kind of determination, just think of where I could be right now. Just think.