Friday, May 25, 2007

More random thoughts

A very good friend of mine, Cheryl, took this picture a couple of weeks ago. I absolutely love it!! Everything about it is perfect. I hope one day she will put up a website or blog with her pictures on it, she is very talented.

So, I have more random thoughts today, so things might jerk along.

Today is the last day of my vacation, and tomorrow it is back to work. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I could see myself having another couple of days off, but on the other, going back to work is OK too. I do miss the kids there. They are like my other family. I really didn't do anything with my time off. Tues. and Wed. just sat around the house and slept. A lot. Yesterday I went with my cousin to a scrapbooking store out in Ontario I had heard about. It was amazing. I have never seen so much stuff in one place before. I will definetely have to go back. It was a little pricey, I spent $36.00, but the stuff I bought I haven't seen anywhere else. Then we went out to lunch and talked. Ricki(my cousin) is going to be a grandma. Her daughter,Joanna, is 5 weeks pregnant. She is thrilled. It is amazing cause it seems like a few years ago when she was telling me she was pregnant with Joanna.

Today I am going out to dinner with my Mom and her friend, Kathy. They always go out on Friday nights, and since I'm home, I invited myself along. I think it will be fun. This has been a hard week for me and it should end on a good note.

This picture I took this morning after watering the plants. I can't believe my luck in getting in the shot of the butterfly. I just feel lucky right now, I can't explain it. Any hoo, I need to go finish the housework, just thought I'd put some of this stuff down.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Do I really want to do it?

I have been reading some of the blogs I keep track of, and one of them really hit me today. The blogger had gone to a great deal of trouble to have some alone time to track and keep her diet motivated. Set up an office space, got her printer out of the closet, set up supplies. It reminded me a lot of myself. I am a great *getting ready to do it* person. Have the supplies? Check. Have the motivational quotes? Check. Have the recipes downloaded from the internet? Check. Have the websites of key diet and inspirational web pages and/or the dailt e-mails set up? Check.

Maybe it is the planning that gets me off. Maybe the sense that I have done something, when in fact I really haven't. The illusion that I really really am going to do it this time. I am very good at planning. It is the implementation of things that gets me. I can plan my menu of the day, then get up late and say oh well, I blew it. I don't have time now to pre package everything, I'll be late for work. I can make a list of things I want to accomplish while I am home, then wait until Friday and do it all in one day.

Maybe if I actually start something, I might be expected to finish it. If I lost 5 lb., I might be expected to lose 50. It is much, much easier to say that my plans got waylaid then to say that I didn't want it enough, that I wasn't important enough, that it was too much work. Gaining 150 lb. was quite easy. Sit around, eat, eat and eat. Losing it is a bitch. Actually sweating to the oldies??? Depriving myself of that 1/2 pan of brownies that are calling out my name? Fighting that late night craving instead of giving in? My God, if I had that kind of determination, just think of where I could be right now. Just think.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

random thoughts

This is one of my geranium plants. Last year I couldn't get this plant to do anything. This year it got huge. I really like geraniums alot. A little water, a little sun, cut off the dead flowers and they will stay nice and green for you.

I have a lot of random thoughts today. Today is the sixth month anniversary of my sister's death. I can not believe that so much time has passed. I am on vacation till Friday, and my original plan was to stay in bed all day and mope around, feeling sorry for myself. When I woke up in the morning, something else happened. I wanted to get out and work on the side garden. I planted 2 day lillies, a purple flower I can't remember the name of, some geraniums, some verbena, and a hydrangea. I bought some solor lights to put in too. I have a feeling of accomplishment, things are growing, renewing, as it should be, I guess.

I really would like to change the way I think about food, dieting, exercise, my weight, my health, everything in general. I know one of the things holding me back is the way I look at things. I look at it as being deprived. I won't get my fair share, or something is being withheld from me. I need to change that attitude and realize that food is to energize my body, not to comfort me when I am sad, angry, lonely, whatever...

Tomorrow I think I am going to start on Denise's scrapbook. I want to get it going, but I'm afraid I will get emotional. Just one page at a time, right!!!

Sunday, May 20, 2007


This is Alyssa. Her mom, Annie works for me at the restaraunt. She is the sweetest little girl, very,very smart, and cute as a button. They gave me her school, picture, and as I don't have a little girl, thought this would be a good opportunity to do a *girlie* layout. Annie knows I think she is very hard on Alyssa, expecting her to be grown up already, so that is why I put the quote on the botton, to remind Annie that Alyssa is just a little girl. I framed this layout so Annie could hang it up in Alyssa's room. (I know I should post the materials used, but I can't remember all of it, I will post that later, after I go find the papers.)

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

my lilies

These are the lilies from my garden. Someone gave me some bulbs last year, and I threw them in this pot, and forget about them. I can not believe how beautiful they are. I tried to find out what kind they are, but the closest I can get is some type of stargazer lily. I am in love with that color.

It helps to remind me that life goes on. With everything that went on this winter, the only water these things got was from the rain, and it was a very dry year here. Even with all the neglect and no tlc, they bloomed. It is a testiment to stregnth.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Today is Mother's Day, I hope everyone has a great day. I called my Mom last night, I had sent her a card, and took her present (2 rose bushes) over there last weekend. I know she is sad because Denise isn't there, but after talking to her, she seems a little more at peace with everything, which makes me very happy.

Friday, May 04, 2007

exersice, ugh!!

I hate to exercise. I work for 8-10 hours a day on my feet. I have always considered this all the exercise I need, but apparently I am wrong. My main problem is I am a very big girl. Doing even 10 minutes on the treadmill is hard for me, and I get disgusted with myself. I've tried tapes and DVD's, but I am also very uncordinated, so that frustrates me too. I do 5 or 10 mins, and quit cause I can't do the things the way they are on the tapes.
It annoys me that I have gotten into this mess. When I was younger, I was overweight, but I was still very active. I walked or rode my bike everywhere. I played tennis and raquetball, I was outside a lot. Maybe I should look in the toy section amd find something that would be fun or game-like and take the *work* out of workout.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

cats and stuff

This is my baby, Daisy. We have had her for about 3 years. My hubby found her on New Year's Day, under our van. It was raining, so he brought her in. This is the man who does not like animals. She has him wrapped around her little paw!! She follows him all over the house. I have to admit, I am a little jealous. I would love for her to cuddle with me, but she is not having any of that!!!

today at work was OK. We were busy cause it was the 2nd, so that was good. I got up late, and forgot my breakfast and snack at home. I was really scared today that I was gonna lose it and go over board on the food, since I didn't have my prepared stuff. I did pretty good. I did eat a flour tortilla, but other than that, I didn't lose control. My problem now is I am really hungry. I just ate dinner, and I still feel hungry. I will probably have some popcorn later. I need to watch myself later, when I get off of here.

Tomorrow I am going to make a trip to trader joe's. Got their flyer today and saw some stuff I think would be good for my *way of eating*. Need to mix it up a little. I am sooooooo glad I am off tomorrow.