Friday, April 27, 2007


Candy. I love candy. M&M's, peanut butter cups, snickers, kit kat, butterfinger. You name the candy and I can tell you that at one time or another it has been my favorite. Right now it is peanut M&M's. I do not know what it is about these little gems but I am seriously addicted to them. I have eaten so many in the last two weeks that I could be an M&M. I need to look at the reasons why this little candy calms me down.
I have been so stressed out, and I always turn to food. Food makes me feel better. It calms me. It is always there for me. It's only job is to make me feel better. It won't talk back or make me feel bad. It loves me.

Monday, April 23, 2007


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

My Mom and I were taking some stuff out of Denise's room yesterday, and she asked if I wanted the games. I asked why and she said would we play them again? We used to play all the time. Trivial pursuit,( the 80's edition, tv edition, and the Disney edition that she got for Christmas one year ), Yahtzee, scattagories, and others. We usually played the trivial pursuit. We would laugh and laugh. I hope that we will play those games again. Maybe we can get someone else in the game. I think that Denise would want us to laugh over those stupid questions again.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I decided to get up early and write down a few things:

I love my family. They may get on my nerves, they may not appreciate me, they may not even like me sometimes, but I love them and wouldn't trade them for anyone else.

I love my cat. She is mean, high spirited, and won't let me hold her, but I love her to death. She is cute, playful, and puffy. I like puffy.

I love my digital camera. I like the fact that I cantake pictures and put them on the computer right away to share with friends and family. I want to become a better photographer.

Just some things to remind me that not everything has to be a battle.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

changes today

Well, today has been good. I went and got highlights in my hair, and I think it looks good. I got light blonde. all over. I am happy with it and I hope it looks good. I decided to get the highlights because I always put things like that on my *when I lose weight* list, so I never do anything. This time I decided to do it first, and see if it motivates me to stick to plan.

My eating was good, except for the cheese enchiladas from Alberto's. We had already made plans to get these, so I went ahead and ate them. I figure it's gonna be a while before I do again. I don't want to say I will never eat them again, cause that is too depressing. I have to learn that I can eat anything I want, just not right now. I have to get a resistance and a habit going to not over-eat.

I also did a 10 min. workout of dancing. I am soooo un-coordinated!!!!!! I think I will stick to the walking, or break out the ti chi dvd my son got me.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


This is me on Christmas day. 3 1/2 months ago. There are so many things I dislike about my face. The double chin. The bags under my eyes. The red tint my skin takes on. The fact that one eye opens bigger than the other. The fatness.
I also detest my hair color. I had beautiful blonde hair until the day I turned 25, then I got yhis ugly brown color. Tomorrow, I am gonna do something about that. I am going to get some highlights. I am very nervous, cause I've never done anything like this before, but my hair color is something I can do something about now, a quick fix, if you will. The rest of the things I don't like, well, they will take sometime to fix. I am hoping that this quick fix, so to speak, will help me get some motivation and momentum going towards my weightloss goals.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

So, I made it up at 6:45 today. Not my goal of 6:00, but better than 7:30, like normal. I did get in some breakfast, and managed to do 10 min. of walking, so I'm happy. Tonight I will do 15 min. on the treadmill. Gotta go make my lunch now, Have a great day.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

made it through the day

Well, I made it through today. I wasn't sure I was going to this morning. I was so tired, didn't want to get up and I did not exercise this morning. I got to work, and it is one thing after another, not to mention the fact that we were swamped. My supervisor is a butt-head and I swear that the man is going to drive me insane. He gave me a hard time about leaving early yesterday for my Dr.'s appointment after I worked a whole week even though I had a note to be off work. Next time I will just take the time off and he can run my store.

Eating was good. I didn't have breakfast which was the only bad thing I did today. I stuck to diet soda and water, ate a decent amount of veggies, although I should eat more, stayed away from the sugar, and have not started the late night bingefest I usually have after everyone is asleep. I did dance around to the music in my i-pod while E was taking a shower, so I did get in a little extra movement.

My goals for tomorrow are to get up at 6 am, eat some breakfast, do 15 min. on the treadmill, and to drink more water.

Monday, April 02, 2007

back to the drawing board

So, it is back to the drawing board for me. I am going to restart my diet. I have let things go and am now looking at clothes a size bigger than what I am wearing now. I bought 4 tops for summer. I WILL NEVER BUY ANOTHER THING IN THIS SIZE!!!!
I am going back to old faithful, the SBD. I know it works, if I work it. The first time I lost around 50 lb. I will start phase one on WEd, cause I need to get to the store, but I am only doing to it get rid of the horrific cravings I have. I am so sugared out right now, I'm like a druggie looking for a fix!!
I have never excepted the fact that food = love in my mind. I didn't want to cause I am not one of those "everything is my Mother's fault" kind of people. I don't want to be mad at her or for her to feel badly and to take blame for my size. The first thing she said after Denise died was that this was her fault for letting Denise get so obese. That is complete rubish. We knew we are big. We know what to do to fix it, hell, I could teach a class on weight loss. There was just something lacking in us to get us moving. I think in my case it is the food-love thing. I'll post more on that tomorrow.